Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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