We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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