it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
