Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
