...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
