I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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