We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dignity is for republicans.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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