In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
