Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
