My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
