I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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