he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
