I wish my penis had an off switch
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
