I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
