Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
