with your own penis?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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