somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
