im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
