I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
