her vagine was all disorganized.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
