In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
