i wish semen tasted like chocolate
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
