o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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