is your mom at the bar?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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