My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't put those talents on a resume
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
