you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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