was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
