Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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