We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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