Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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