somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
