There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we have pet lesbian snakes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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