I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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