he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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