Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
