I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
