If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
