and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
