Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
