He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
