Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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