Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
