Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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