i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day