i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am