There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.