You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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