Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize