SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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