some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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