Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
