Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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