She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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