I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
