Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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