After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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