Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
