I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
