Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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