So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
