Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
