i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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