did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize