checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail