I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
