Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?

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  (810): Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you? http://tfl.nu/wjcf
  Replies (2) Good night (2576) Bad night (847)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl

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  (313): I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl http://tfl.nu/zim9
  Replies (2) Good night (739) Bad night (1186)
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  (818): View more from California

  I hate you but I'm not in hate with you

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  (818): I hate you but I'm not in hate with you http://tfl.nu/vrzb
  Replies (5) Good night (1639) Bad night (519)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

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  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4957) Bad night (80362)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?

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  (717): What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning? http://tfl.nu/h9gl
  Replies (35) Good night (758) Bad night (3274)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

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  (402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little. http://tfl.nu/w7gx
  Replies (31) Good night (957) Bad night (2997)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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  (330): Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope http://tfl.nu/5njb
  Replies (17) Good night (690) Bad night (4174)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

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  (+64): apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing. http://tfl.nu/xl08
  Replies (36) Good night (4231) Bad night (638)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  whatd she say to you?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle

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  (256): my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table (1-256): whatd she say to you? (256): no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle http://tfl.nu/mg7u
  Replies (60) Good night (2029) Bad night (8360)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning

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  (+64): He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning http://tfl.nu/zdbu
  Replies (52) Good night (1858) Bad night (8215)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  You told him you loved him!?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.

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  (260): You told him you loved him!? (1-260): I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes. http://tfl.nu/duby
  Replies (6) Good night (2706) Bad night (963)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed

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  (410): i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed http://tfl.nu/6788
  Replies (2) Good night (3035) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?

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  (317): Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text? http://tfl.nu/5hnv
  Replies (10) Good night (645) Bad night (3360)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?

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  (505): Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke? http://tfl.nu/u3od
  Replies (3) Good night (872) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it

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  (780): Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it http://tfl.nu/2d0a
  Replies (1) Good night (809) Bad night (255)

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