Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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