If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading