i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..