I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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