i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
