Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
