So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
