once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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