Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
