Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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