I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
